FEAR OF FAILURE LEADS TO CONTROL PATTERNS

She wielded illness like a superpower, controlling her world from her couch. Her nightgown sufficed as a costume, her tears disarmed every challenger. Every other week she had something else wrong with her. Our hearts went out to her each time we heard of her latest ailment. Determined to see God heal her, my mother paid her a visit.

“Do you believe God can heal you?” my mother asked.

“I don’t want God to heal me,” she replied, to my mom’s surprise. “My sickness is a way of controlling my husband. As long as I’m ill and in need, he does what I want.”

I hesitate to use any example involving sickness, knowing too many suffer incessantly, and no doubt this story is somewhat extreme. But that’s what a heart full of fear does. It sends us searching for idols, even at the expense of our own health. The fear of failure will almost always lead to some kind of idol of control. In this case, the “control idol” caused the ungodly thought that sickness was the best way to hold sway over her husband, which led her into a destructive pattern of deception and emotional manipulation.

Three favorite control idols for those overcome by the lie and fear of failure are power, perfectionism and certainty. Many others exist, but these three offer the control of others, ourselves and our circumstances. They are destructive patterns of self-protection designed to help us evade possible failure.

• With the idol of power: We control others to self-protect.

• With the idol of perfectionism: We control ourselves to self-protect.

• With the idol of certainty: We control our circumstances to self-protect.

Join me for more on this topic on FB LIVE, for a 4-part discussion on the FEAR of FAILURE. Wednesdays, August 5, 12, 19 & 26. 7pm (EET) and 12 (CST).