WHAT IF MY CHILD IS BEING BULLIED OR CYBER-BULLIED?
Sadly bullying is something that is prevalent in our society and there is a good chance it could affect your children at some point or certainly affect people they know. While being bullied physically has been around for a long time, cyberbullying is a newer challenge our children have to deal with because of the Internet and social media taking such prominent roles in their lives.
Both types of bullying can have a profoundly negative affect on the emotional health of our children. They can lead to anxiety, depression and further trauma that can impact their self-esteem for the rest of their lives. The best solution is to prevent and safeguard against bullying.
However, our children also need to be equipped to deal with bullying if it happens. And we, as their parents, need to be equipped to know how to support them.
Signs To Look Out For
A dramatic change in their daily activities such as sleeping longer than normal.
Not being able to sleep or eat or over-eating.
Refusing to go to school or a sudden drop in their grades.
Complaining of repeated headaches or stomach aches.
Showing signs of depression or anxiety.
Using medication or drugs or alcohol.
If you notice any of these signs, it’s important to find a way to address it with your child. One suggestion is to approach it by speaking about bullying as something separate from them.
Such as, “I heard people were being bullied at school. Have any of your friends experienced bullying?”
Or, “I heard a story about someone being bullied on social media? Have you ever noticed that?”
Once the conversation is open, then you could ask whether they have ever experienced it themselves.
Respond Calmly
If your child has been bullied, it's important to respond in a calm way and not overly express anger or distress. Your strong emotional reaction could embarrass them or keep them from sharing things in the future. Try to find out details about the incident. Was it online? Was it at school? What exactly happened? Has it happened before?
Encourage them that they’re not alone in this and explain to them that you’re going to walk with them and help them find a way through.
If this has been a repeated incident, or there have been a number of bullying incidents, you may consider getting your child to meet with a professional counselor to help them work through anxiety, build resilience and process trauma.
Help Your Child Come Up With A Game Plan
(Drew) When I was being bullied at school, my dad insisted that I face my bully. We talked through how I would do it. He helped me to understand that I couldn’t run away from the bully, I had to face him, even if it meant I got punched in the face. He actually encouraged me to throw the first punch and make a big scene. He said, “The bully wants to feel big, so bring him down to size by shouting really loudly and drawing attention to him.” Well, whether or not you agree with that advice, it worked for me. I shouted, then punched. It was the last time he bullied me. But talking with my Dad and coming up with a game was really helpful. It didn’t mean I wasn’t scared, but at least I was prepared.
Whether or not you agree with my Dad’s method of “fighting your bully”, you nee to come up with a game plan if your child is being bullied.
If you don’t want your child to fight their bully, then think through what you believe could defuse the situation. You may need to intervene by speaking with teachers or the school principal, but we suggest you make sure your child knows you’re doing this, because most likely the bully will be brought into the office, which is good, but it could have further repercussions.
Whether you encourage your child to face their bully or you are going to get involved with the help of others to face their bully, the point is, bullies need to be faced. Don’t teach your children to run from their problems, no matter how big they seem.
Questions That Can Help You Work It Through
What kind of people tend to bully?
What do you think is going on in a bully’s mind?
What is going on in the mind of someone being bullied?
What’s being done about bullying in your school?
What stops you from finding help for yourself when you’re being bullied?
Who needs to know about the bullying to be able to help?
What do you think you could do to get through this and not run away from the problem?
How can I help you as your parent?
Speak About What Cyberbullying Looks Like
Cyberbullying includes sending, posting, or sharing negative, harmful, false, or mean content about someone else. It can include sharing personal or private information about someone else causing embarrassment or humiliation or fear.
One particular website gives a helpful list of what cyberbullying entails:
Sending mean emails, texts or instant messages.
Sending neutral messages to someone to the point of harassment.
Posting hurtful things about someone on social media.
Spreading rumors or gossip about someone online.
Making fun of someone in an online chat that includes multiple people.
Attacking or killing an avatar or character in an online game, constantly and on purpose.
Pretending to be another person by creating a fake online profile.
Threatening or intimidating someone online or in a text message.
Taking an embarrassing photo or video and sharing it without permission.
It’s particularly dangerous because it’s often persistent, permanent and hard-to-notice. Once it’s out there, especially shameful explicit photos or videos, it doesn’t disappear. This can be extremely painful for children to endure. It’s also hard to notice because teachers and parents aren’t always in the online spaces where their children frequent.
Again, ask questions to open dialogue.
What does it mean for someone to be cyber-bullied?
Have any of your friends been cyber-bullied?
Why do you think cyberbullying has become more common?
What would you do if you felt like you were being bullied online?
How should we use technology in more positive ways?
What can you do to keep something like this happening to you?
How can I help you?
If you want more parenting advice like this, then check out our parenting course Shape Your Child’s Heart For Life
It teaches you how to:
Empower DESTINY - Where They Belong
Empower LOVE - Where They’re Going
Empower CHARACTER - Who They’re Becoming