My Top 10 New Years Resolutions As A Pastor

10. Learn another dance besides the Holy Ghost Hop.

9. Check if the mute button is pushed in on my lapel mic before I blame the sound guys.

8. Don’t say, “in conclusion” if I have three more pages of notes to get through.

7.On particularly hot days, don’t expose the congregation to the wet patches under my arms.

6. Stay focused on Jesus, even if the slides on the overhead projector are consistently on the wrong words.

5. Begin reminding people of my birthday even sooner than I normally do.

4. Only use an illustration about my wife on the Sundays she’s out of town.

3. Find someone else to quote besides C.S. Lewis.

2. Practice getting even more height in my jump when I get to the exciting parts of my sermon.

1. Be kinder to those I’m praying for after the service at the front of the church by using a breath mint.