Our children tell us that we were very strict because they only got cellphones when they turned 14. This was very late compared with their friends, many of whom had phones at the age of 10. We think 10 is too young. They’re not mature enough to handle the deluge of information or the dangers that come with it.

Consider The Boundaries Before You Give Them A Phone

Don’t give them a phone before you’ve thought through what boundaries need to come with it. This will prepare them to accept the boundaries. You don’t want to give them a phone without any boundaries and then suddenly start clamping down. As we mentioned in a previous session, there should be more boundaries in the beginning that get extended as they grow in responsibility.When you give your children a phone along with the boundaries, allow them to make some suggestions. It’s important they feel like they’re part of the process, so it doesn’t become a “parent vs. child” situation. If they feel unheard or dismissed, they’ll more likely hide their activity from you.

Some of our boundaries include: 

• No phones in the children’s bedrooms overnight. 

• Phones are put away on their charger, which is kept in Mom’s and Dad’s room at 9 p.m. 

• They can get them again at 6 a.m. 

• Mom and Dad are allowed to periodically check their phones, including WhatsApp and text messages. 

• Their phones must have Qustodio (parental app) on them. 

• They aren’t allowed to have a password we don’t know. 

• No phones at the dinner table or during family times. 

• They have to get permission to download apps, especially social media apps. 

Suggestions For Social Media

WhatsApp, TikTok, Snapchat, Instagram and YouTube are the most popular social media platforms for young people. Even though our children got a phone at 14, they didn’t automatically get Instagram or Snapchat or TikTok. Those came later as they demonstrated an ability to follow the boundaries and a responsible use of their phone. 

There were a number of times when we checked the WhatsApp groups they were part of for indecent conversations or crude language or inappropriate images. A couple of times we were shocked by some of the conversations other children in the WhatsApp groups were having. They were crude and sexual in nature. In those cases, we discussed with our children whether being in that particular group was worth it and why we would encourage them to exit the group. We allowed them to talk about if they wanted to stay in the group and, if so, why. Every time they voluntarily chose to exit the group, we praised them for their responsible and mature decision. 

Speak About The Dangers Of Social Media With Your Children 

You cannot afford for them to be ignorant and become victims of online abuse. Having this conversation will also help them understand why you want to be actively involved in their technological habits. You’re not trying to control them; you are wanting to partner with them for their safety. Things to discuss…

• Make sure they know not to give their personal information to people online (phone number, address or email). 

• They should never talk to strangers online. If a stranger is contacting them, they need to tell you and block them.

• They should only share their passwords with you. 

• They should get permission before they download any software or apps because apps are not always what they appear to be. 

• Make sure their social media settings are on highest privacy. Explain why this is necessary.

Learn to incorporate discussing social media into your regular conversations. Don’t just ask what happened at school today, but also what happened on Instagram or WhatsApp today.

If you want more parenting advice like this, then check out our parenting course Shape Your Child’s Heart For Life

It teaches you how to:

Empower DESTINY - Where They Belong

Empower LOVE - Where They’re Going

Empower CHARACTER - Who They’re Becoming