Your children will most likely see pornography or something inappropriate online. Porn is so prevalent and accessible that it’s difficult not to be exposed to it. Of course, our hope is that it will not happen to them while they’re young. But don’t panic if it does happen. 

If you respond in a horrified and defeated kind of way, your children will view it as an insurmountable problem with them. They will begin to think no one but them has ever done it, so there must be something wrong with them. They’ll think they’re failures. That’s not true. 

It’s normal to be curious and to be tempted. However, there are ways in which we can help our children through the dangers of the Internet. YOU NEED A GAME PLAN. Again, an ongoing conversation is what you want. Here’s where we suggest you start…

Install A Parental App

When your child is about 8 or 9, put a parental control app on all your family’s devices. We use Qustodio. It alerts us if someone tries to look at something inappropriate. 

The reason you want to put it on when they’re younger is because they’re too young to know how to work around an Internet blocking. They won’t even know about it. So, when you get an alert that someone has been searching for something, then you’ll know it’s time to have that talk. Sit with them and say, “I believe you were trying to look up something. I’d love for us to talk about it.” 

In that way, you’ve caught them before they’ve gone too far, and you’ve opened up a conversation with them. They may not look for anything at that age, but eventually they will probably type something into the browser, even by accident, and you’ll be ready to help them through it.

Limit Their Time On The Internet

Qustodio and similar applications give you the ability to do that. The parental controls on your computer also allow you to limit Internet time. We limited our children’s Internet time, especially when they were younger (Youtube, Netflix or TikTok) to one hour a day on school days and  a few extra hours on the weekend. This is used to be easier to do, but with so much of their school work being based online, this is harder to manage. One way you can do is to limit the time of specific apps, such as Youtube or Netflix or TikTok within Qustodio. It gives you the option to specify individual apps to block or limit.

Use Devices In Public Spaces

Put the main computer in a place that is easily visible and central in the house, especially for little ones who don’t have their own devices yet. Do not put a computer in your children’s rooms with unlimited access to the Internet and without any parental controls. Of course, this will change as they get older and have their own devices. We’ll talk about this more in a moment.

Signs That Your Children May Be Hiding Online Activity

• If they turn the screen off quickly or pivot away from you when you come into the room, they may be hiding something. 

• If there’s a spike in data usage. 

• If they refuse to let you see their cellphone or give you their password. 

• If they are exhausted from staying up late often. 

• If there’s an uncharacteristic change in their personality or demeanor.

• If they’re consistently breaking your technology boundaries. (1)

If you discover they’ve been doing stuff in secret, let them know they’ve broken trust, but that trust can be rebuilt. Ask them what they think needs to happen. Children often offer suggested consequences that are much more restrictive than their parents were going to suggest. If they say, “No more internet for the next month.” You can say, “Let’s start with two weeks.” 

Talk about introducing more protective measures, such as technology monitoring software. You may want to establish a regular heart-to-heart time when you and your child talk about the struggles they face in this area. This can work well, especially if you’ve developed a close relationship throughout the years before they were teenagers.

The Heart Of The Matter

After hearing all the suggestions we’ve just given, it’s easy to think boundaries and rules are how we’re going to keep our children safe. That’s not true. You don’t want to just monitor their behavior and correct it. You want to shape their hearts. Rules cannot do that, but a relationship with them can. Guard that relationship. Empower them to make decisions about technology usage on their own

1. A few of these points were taken from Focus On The Family (2019). “Plugged In Parent’s Guide To Technology And Entertainment.”

If you want more parenting advice like this, then check out our parenting course Shape Your Child’s Heart For Life

It teaches you how to:

Empower DESTINY - Where They Belong

Empower LOVE - Where They’re Going

Empower CHARACTER - Who They’re Becoming