The parenting strategy of offering choices as a tool works well to help form character in your child. “Do the dishes!” offers no choice and no other option. But giving them an option between two things can be helpful and empowering. “You can either do the dishes or clear the table.”

Can you see how this puts ownership into their hands? They can decide. You’ve set the parameters, but they have choice within those parameters. This keeps you in-charge and empowers them at the same time. However, you’ll need to consider using age-appropriate choices.

Small choices should be given to small people and big choices for big people. You’re not going to ask your toddler what you should do for your holiday, what brand of clothes they want to wear or which meals they want for the next week. Little people should be offered little choices to make.

I might ask, Cayo, my toddler, “Would you like to get in the bath on your own or would you like Mommy to help you?” Notice I didn’t ask, “Would you like to get into the bath?” That’s not an option. My objective is to get him into the bath, but giving him a choice cultivates his ability to make decisions he feels are good and right, without always being told what to do. No one likes to constantly be told what to do.

My 12-year-old gets bigger choices. “Would you like to take a 30-minute break before you do your homework or would you rather do your homework now and get it over with?” Again, getting the homework done is the short-term aim, but growing her ability to make good choices for herself is the long-term aim. Give them choices you’re happy with.

*This post is an excerpt from Heart-Shaped Parenting, by Drew and Megan Land. Available August 24, 2019, from www.heartshapedparenting.org or on Amazon.